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"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes
Forgiveness is a transformative and immensely powerful tool for personal growth and healing. It is an act that liberates the soul from the shackles of anger and resentment. It invites us to lay down our grudges and embrace a path of peace, a journey toward a future free from the burden of negativity. With forgiveness, we open our hearts to new possibilities, transcending the limitations of the past and healing our wounds. It takes courage to forgive, a willingness to let go and see the world with different eyes. But the rewards are sweet, a harmony that resonates within us, restoring relationships and fostering growth. However, while we often associate forgiveness with those closest to us such as friends, family members, and coworkers, it is crucial to extend forgiveness to wider circles of entities, including schools, the state system, politicians, perceived enemy nations, religious groups, and even God. While we often associate forgiveness with those closest to us such as friends, family members, and coworkers, it is crucial to extend forgiveness to wider circles of entities.
Forgiving larger entities may seem daunting, but it is an essential step toward inner peace and growth. These entities, though seemingly distant and out of our control, are actually a part of our inner being, representing our innermost structures. By truly and completely forgiving them, we reintegrate these parts of ourselves and take full responsibility for our lives. After all, the holographic principle suggests that our inner being and consciousness are mirrored and reflected in the outer reality of our life.
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One of the most difficult obstacles to true forgiveness is our conscious or subconscious intention to change the people who have been hurting us.
This is wrong! It is not up to us to change anyone. We must change ourselves instead. Only in this way can we truly influence others. Let's say you have just forgiven your brother for hurting you. At least you think you have forgiven him. Alas, he hurts you again tomorrow in the same way and you get angry once more. Obviously, you have not forgiven him, otherwise, you wouldn't have become triggered by his behavior again. What was wrong with your forgiveness? We all want to change others, more or less. So, yes, we forgive them, but only for a particular action under certain circumstances. For this time only. But what about the future? Although we seemingly forgave them, subconsciously we expected them to change. We thought they are the one who should have changed, not us. They won't. Actually, they will, but at their own pace and in their own way, but it's not up to us. We must presume that the person is going to endlessly and perpetually cause us pain and forgive them despite that! Of course, easier said than done. Nevertheless, try this: imagine that the person you want to forgive will be hurting you endlessly. Assume that they are so stubborn that they are never going to change their behavior; that they will never transform into a better version of themselves. Imagine clearly that they will try to hurt you tomorrow even more. Suppose that he or she is unable to improve in any way. On the contrary, they may only become worse and worse and there's no end to this. We must presume that the person is going to endlessly and perpetually cause us pain and forgive them despite that!
Now, forgive them as such! Can you do that? Do you really want to get rid of this burden, to get your life force back?
Forgive this person as though they are going to worsen their behavior towards you, increasingly, forever. Do you possess such capacity, such depth of your character? If you do, congratulations – that's true forgiveness. If you don't – never mind. Do not judge yourself, we are all human beings. But the same problem will reappear. So, try again. Know that all your bad circumstances, all the people around you who are making you suffer, are all there for the purpose of your growth. From every such experience, you may extract some unique and truly valuable life lessons. Your worst enemies or the most stubborn and annoying friends are in fact your greatest teachers! Perhaps they agreed with you before this lifetime to make such a great sacrifice for you, that now you even consider them enemies or bad people, all with the goal of enabling you to learn the hardest life lesson - to truly forgive. Is there any greater sacrifice than that? For example, if your friend constantly gets into the same troubles while stubbornly and bluntly refusing your advice, and it's all annoying to you, stop trying to change her. Change yourself instead. Find within your own being the very trait that annoys you the most in her behavior. Although not being aware of that, she is actually teaching you, she is pointing to the important aspect of your personality you have to deal with now. And forgive her, truly and completely, with all your heart. Imagine that she will never, never change, that she is going to worsen instead and to annoy you for the rest of this life and…forgive her despite that! For the very act of forgiveness, to learn how to do it, you may use various techniques or approaches described in another article. But remember, only when you succeed in this kind of “eternal forgiveness,” have you truly let go, you are free. Don't forget that forgiveness is a process. You will probably have to forgive many aspects of the other person's unwanted behavior, as though they are all permanent. The same stands for any situation, circumstance, or thing in your life that brings you suffering. Accept it, forgive it totally, even though it is presumably going to persist as such eternally! If you are able to do this, you have truly learned forgiveness.
“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” – From the poem An Essay on Criticism, by Alexander Pope
The importance of forgiveness is immense. Whenever we are stuck in the mud of anger, resentment, blame, or guilt, we deeply suffer, as well as people around us. Although these feelings are not negative per se, they are conveyors of some vital messages to our conscious being. If neglected, they will severely undermine our health and overall well-being. To forgive means to release anger and resentment, lastingly. So, together with love, forgiveness is the ultimate healing tool on Earth. It liberates us directly from these unpleasant feelings, while, indirectly, it heals many diseases caused by them. To forgive means to release anger and resentment, lastingly.
Also, it does not involve excusing or condoning the person’s actions. Forgiveness does not deny crime, atrocity, or injustice. However, it clears up our hearts and minds, making the path to justice completely smooth. It brings relief from pain and injury.
Forgiveness does not necessarily lead to reconciliation, nor we have to feel obliged to reconcile with the person we are forgiving. Nevertheless, if we truly forgive the person, some sort of reconciliation with them is likely to spontaneously occur, sooner or later. True forgiveness cannot be achieved from a lofty, righteous position. This implies feeling superior upon the other person, which could easily turn into disdain. And that would be very dangerous for our spiritual growth. How to forgive? Of course, to us ordinary mortals, forgiveness is not easy at all. The feelings that we intend to release are usually deeply rooted and most often for a long time present in our psyche. Anyway, if we want to continue with our personal development and spiritual growth, we must reintegrate these feelings with the rest of our being. Therefore, forgiveness should be done step-by-step, thoroughly, with true dedication and honesty. |
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