Overcoming Unhealthy Pride: Strategies for Transforming a Harmful Emotion into a Positive Force5/3/2023
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“He that is proud eats up himself: pride is his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle.” - William Shakespeare
David Hawkins, a late American psychiatrist, spiritual teacher and author of many books on consciousness and spirituality, talked a lot about this pride. In his famous “map of consciousness,” an ascending logarithmic scale that measures a variety of emotions and states of being that goes from 0 to 1000, Hawkins calibrated pride from 175 to 199 (where 200 represents a threshold between “negative” and “positive” states), right above fear, anger and guilt, but below courage, acceptance, and love. He used to say that pride is based on vanity and moralistic indignation. However, many people view pride as a positive emotion. We often see it as a potent force that may lead us toward great triumphs and accomplishments in life. In reality, it is a complex emotion that has both beneficial and harmful aspects. We will refer to these aspects as healthy, authentic pride, and unhealthy, hubristic pride. Two Aspects of Pride Healthy pride is a feeling of satisfaction and confidence in our abilities and achievements. It motivates us to pursue our goals and improve ourselves. Healthy pride is a source of joy, strength, and resilience. It enables us to celebrate our accomplishments without arrogance or envy. It empowers us to grow without fear or shame, limits or constraints. It is a complex emotion that has both beneficial and harmful aspects.
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"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes
Forgiveness is a transformative and immensely powerful tool for personal growth and healing. It is an act that liberates the soul from the shackles of anger and resentment. It invites us to lay down our grudges and embrace a path of peace, a journey toward a future free from the burden of negativity. With forgiveness, we open our hearts to new possibilities, transcending the limitations of the past and healing our wounds. It takes courage to forgive, a willingness to let go and see the world with different eyes. But the rewards are sweet, a harmony that resonates within us, restoring relationships and fostering growth. However, while we often associate forgiveness with those closest to us such as friends, family members, and coworkers, it is crucial to extend forgiveness to wider circles of entities, including schools, the state system, politicians, perceived enemy nations, religious groups, and even God. While we often associate forgiveness with those closest to us such as friends, family members, and coworkers, it is crucial to extend forgiveness to wider circles of entities.
Forgiving larger entities may seem daunting, but it is an essential step toward inner peace and growth. These entities, though seemingly distant and out of our control, are actually a part of our inner being, representing our innermost structures. By truly and completely forgiving them, we reintegrate these parts of ourselves and take full responsibility for our lives. After all, the holographic principle suggests that our inner being and consciousness are mirrored and reflected in the outer reality of our life.
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Dear friends,
Here are some ideas or suggestions which, although they do not cover all areas of life and are not universal, in my deep conviction could be truly precious for your life. Conscious Presence Strive to live consciously in the present moment. This does not mean that you should neglect planning or reflection, on the contrary – everything you do should be done with full awareness of yourself and that which you are doing. We can call such an approach “conscious presence” and it will bring you deep inner peace and efficiency in everything you do. For example, when performing daily or routine activities, be aware of yourself, your body, the environment, and the present moment as often as possible. Be here and now. Feel your body, the movements of your arms and legs. Observe everything around you without judging. Notice the small details, look at them as if you are seeing them for the first time in your life. Everything you do should be done with full awareness of yourself and that which you are doing.
Whenever you walk, be aware of the movement of your legs and arms. Watch your feet rhythmically touch the ground. Feel the ground under your feet. When you are at rest, become aware of the pure, empty space that is in you and around you, that stretches infinitely in all directions, as the basis and bearer of everything that exists. Pure space everywhere. This will quickly bring you into the alpha state of consciousness, i.e. a state of deep peace. Then focus on your breathing. Observe the airflow inside you. Feel the air as it passes through your nose and trachea and fills up your lungs. Follow its way back. Relax and do not change the rhythm of breathing. If a thought pops into your mind, simply go back to observing your breathing. Whenever you enter the present moment, you will also enter a state of calmness and relaxation. Even better, if you persevere in this practice you will become increasingly immune to stress. Moreover, for seemingly no reason, you will enter periods of deep inner peace and unspeakable joy more and more often. You will be more efficient in everything you do. You will have fewer and fewer unnecessary thoughts. Unwanted feelings and reactions will subside and will gradually integrate into the wholeness of your being. Conscious living in the present moment will have a beneficial effect on your life as a whole. People around you will feel it, many will improve their relationship with you, while unpleasant people will spontaneously leave your life. All these beneficial changes in your life will happen as a result of applying the other tips in this text as well. Gratitude Develop gratitude in your heart. It is one of the key and noblest feelings, extremely important for your inner peace, stability in life, and spiritual development. No matter how difficult or unjust life may seem to you, you always have countless reasons to be grateful. For example, you can feel gratitude for your existence, for your body, health, family, friends, for any seemingly small pleasure or smile that someone has given you… Feel gratitude for anything. The feeling is important, not the reason. You can send gratitude to God, angels, or dear people, although it does not have to be addressed to anyone - just feel that feeling. Challenges See all of your inconveniences and problems as opportunities to learn certain life lessons. Face the difficulties immediately, without exception. Think of them as challenges and opportunities for your growth. Try to look at any uncomfortable situation from a broader perspective. That trouble will also pass and you will emerge stronger. Always keep in mind that, after all, everything is an illusion and that the real, true existence is on higher, spiritual levels. In fact, the only true reality is God, that is, Infinite Consciousness. Everything else is fleeting. And even though it doesn't seem that way to you now, this world is an illusion. Face the difficulties immediately, without exception. Think of them as challenges and opportunities for your growth.
One of the most difficult obstacles to true forgiveness is our conscious or subconscious intention to change the people who have been hurting us.
This is wrong! It is not up to us to change anyone. We must change ourselves instead. Only in this way can we truly influence others. Let's say you have just forgiven your brother for hurting you. At least you think you have forgiven him. Alas, he hurts you again tomorrow in the same way and you get angry once more. Obviously, you have not forgiven him, otherwise, you wouldn't have become triggered by his behavior again. What was wrong with your forgiveness? We all want to change others, more or less. So, yes, we forgive them, but only for a particular action under certain circumstances. For this time only. But what about the future? Although we seemingly forgave them, subconsciously we expected them to change. We thought they are the one who should have changed, not us. They won't. Actually, they will, but at their own pace and in their own way, but it's not up to us. We must presume that the person is going to endlessly and perpetually cause us pain and forgive them despite that! Of course, easier said than done. Nevertheless, try this: imagine that the person you want to forgive will be hurting you endlessly. Assume that they are so stubborn that they are never going to change their behavior; that they will never transform into a better version of themselves. Imagine clearly that they will try to hurt you tomorrow even more. Suppose that he or she is unable to improve in any way. On the contrary, they may only become worse and worse and there's no end to this. We must presume that the person is going to endlessly and perpetually cause us pain and forgive them despite that!
Now, forgive them as such! Can you do that? Do you really want to get rid of this burden, to get your life force back?
Forgive this person as though they are going to worsen their behavior towards you, increasingly, forever. Do you possess such capacity, such depth of your character? If you do, congratulations – that's true forgiveness. If you don't – never mind. Do not judge yourself, we are all human beings. But the same problem will reappear. So, try again. Know that all your bad circumstances, all the people around you who are making you suffer, are all there for the purpose of your growth. From every such experience, you may extract some unique and truly valuable life lessons. Your worst enemies or the most stubborn and annoying friends are in fact your greatest teachers! Perhaps they agreed with you before this lifetime to make such a great sacrifice for you, that now you even consider them enemies or bad people, all with the goal of enabling you to learn the hardest life lesson - to truly forgive. Is there any greater sacrifice than that? For example, if your friend constantly gets into the same troubles while stubbornly and bluntly refusing your advice, and it's all annoying to you, stop trying to change her. Change yourself instead. Find within your own being the very trait that annoys you the most in her behavior. Although not being aware of that, she is actually teaching you, she is pointing to the important aspect of your personality you have to deal with now. And forgive her, truly and completely, with all your heart. Imagine that she will never, never change, that she is going to worsen instead and to annoy you for the rest of this life and…forgive her despite that! For the very act of forgiveness, to learn how to do it, you may use various techniques or approaches described in another article. But remember, only when you succeed in this kind of “eternal forgiveness,” have you truly let go, you are free. Don't forget that forgiveness is a process. You will probably have to forgive many aspects of the other person's unwanted behavior, as though they are all permanent. The same stands for any situation, circumstance, or thing in your life that brings you suffering. Accept it, forgive it totally, even though it is presumably going to persist as such eternally! If you are able to do this, you have truly learned forgiveness.
There are many definitions of gratitude. Most of them describe this emotion as an appreciation for what we receive from others. However, such a view is somewhat narrow in the context of the actual topic of this article.
Viewed more broadly, gratefulness is related not only to receiving help, gifts, or praises from other people, but to a state of appreciation for our own deeds, traits, and accomplishments. Through gratitude, we learn to appreciate all we have already become and what we achieved in life. Gratitude emphasizes goodness. When we are grateful, we focus on who we are and what we have achieved, rather than always putting most of our attention to numerous negativities in our life. What are the benefits of gratitude? No doubt, gratitude is one of the most beneficial states of being. As a personal growth practice, its effects are powerful and profound, and are similar to those of meditation, mindfulness, prayer, yoga, and forgiveness. There is plenty of scientific research that strongly confirms the numerous and somewhat surprising benefits of gratitude. Regularly practiced, it will have a huge, positive impact on our personality. It will significantly improve our emotional and social life, career, and health. Concretely, this emotion:
Indeed, plenty of reasons to be grateful! Through gratitude, we learn to appreciate all we have already become and what we achieved in life. ![]()
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How to practice gratitude?
There are so many ways to do this practice. The key is, of course, to incite the very feeling of gratefulness as strongly and deeply as possible, using various techniques and approaches. For example, every morning (after getting up) and evening (before sleep), you may think of three to five concrete things that you are grateful for. You may be thankful for small things that make you happy at the moment, like a morning cup of coffee, or your child’s hug. You could feel gratitude for some of your basic aspects of life, like your very existence, body, having eyesight, the beating heart, breath, two hands and two legs, being healthy, aware, and sane. Or, you can be appreciative for your children, family, relationships, spiritual practice, romantic love, wealth, accomplishments, education, creativity, ability to deeply love and feel compassion, good habits, and so on. It is also a good idea to put on paper all your reasons for gratitude each time you do this practice. Another way of developing the feeling of gratefulness is to follow gratitude prompts. The prompts allow you to identify all the things you are grateful for. You simply have to fill in the blanks. The prompts cover multiple senses, colors, people, and things. The goal is to identify at least three things in each category that you are thankful for. The prompts include:
Or, you can make your own gratitude statements. Here are some examples of such statements: - I’m so grateful for my life (or existence). - Thank you God for keeping me and my family alive and healthy. - Thank you angels for the incessant flow of inspiration I am blessed with. - I'm so thankful to those who love me and accept me for who I am. - I’m grateful for this wonderful cup of coffee. - I’m so thankful for my children’s happiness. - I’m so grateful for my spouse’s smile and laughter. - Thank you, Universe for fulfilling my desire for success. - I feel gratitude for my job and regular salaries. - I am thankful to myself for finishing this project. - Thank you, my dear body, for serving me faithfully all these years. This list could be endless. There are so many reasons for being grateful all the time. To whom should we be grateful? |
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