Nebo D. Lukovich
People around us are unconsciously playing specific roles in our lives. We are perceiving them as the loved ones, friends, acquaintances, opponents, foes… To each of them, we have a whole spectrum of habitual behaviors and a multitude of emotions. Nevertheless, the emotions that are usually in our focus are the negative ones. We often see mistakes and bad traits, even in our friends. Why is that so?
Because they are actually hidden in us. Those “mistakes” and traits want to re-emerge and reintegrate with the wholeness of our being.
These emotions are telling us the truth about us.
The role of accusations and guilt
If we were often accused of some misbehaving, especially during our childhood, we would surely have a lot of suppressed negative emotions, such as resentment or guilt. That inevitably leads us to many outbursts of anger, which means suffering to us as well as suffering to people around us.
Guilt is a very destructive emotion. It develops when we clearly become aware of an unfairness of deeds that we have committed to others. It may pose a great danger to our health, ruin all our relationships and undermine our endeavors. It implies to our subconscious mind that we have been misbehaving and that we deserve to be punished. It is a seriously dangerous line of thought. It relentlessly attracts the corresponding life circumstances, in which we will eventually be punished in various ways.
Resentment is a kind of inverted guilt. It is directed toward others, accusing them of doing wrong things and wanting them to be punished. It is also a perilous emotion that works in the background of our personality, for long periods, which spoils our health and our relationships with people. It can undermine our ability to achieve goals and live a successful life in general.
Through guilt and resentment, we are accusing ourselves and others of numerous misdeeds and therefore possessing corresponding bad traits.
But there is also resentment of others directed toward us. Do we have to deal with it somehow? Absolutely. That resentment shows us what is actually inside us.
We must free ourselves from these subconscious influences. Otherwise, these feelings will continually undermine our lives. We must reintegrate them back into the wholeness of our being.
Holographic Principle in use
I was writing a lot about this principle. In my opinion, it has tremendous power to transform people’s lives. Why? Because it says basically this:
This last statement is the most important one. It takes us on the extraordinary journey of inner transformation and expanding consciousness, where we must be completely honest to ourself. On that journey, everything depends on us. We are fully in charge of our life, and nobody else can be responsible for our life. That’s the road of inner power that is leading us to the final liberation, whatever that means.
There are always two sides of a coin
In addition to the work on the sense of guilt that we perhaps already feel to some extent, a relationship transformation must encompass two seemingly opposite sides:
In fact, this two-directional process is a part of taking the full responsibility for our own life. We become aware of all negatively perceived elements of personality, both in another person and us, find all those elements inside us and reintegrate them back into our being. But how do we do that?
1. Annoying traits and behaviors of another person (yes, we have those traits and behaviors, too!)
Are we right when we accuse someone of being a bad person? Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe he or she was mistaken indeed. However, that’s not important at all. The vital thing is that the same trait we see in others lies deeply hidden in us.
First, we should contemplate our life and find in ourself all the traits and behaviors that we often criticize in the person with whom we want to clean the relationship. It’s always better to find a concrete behavior in our past that is essentially the same as the behavior we have criticized so far. However, if we can’t evoke a particularly corresponding situation from the past, we can still proclaim that there is such a “part” of our being. We then assign concrete properties to it and apply the Single Chain or Double Chain technique. During the process, we will most probably see that the element of personality we seek to reintegrate really exists deeply inside our subconscious mind. It will be merged with the wholeness of our being.
2. Annoying traits and behaviors that another person sees in us (yes, he/she is right - we do have those traits and behaviors!)
Very often we are not accepting the traits we are accused of, at all. We don’t see any connection with our real behavior. Usually, we are even offended by these claims. Moreover, our logical mind cannot find any justification for such ideas. We see only injustice.
As we have learned previously, our criticizer should certainly look back and try to find the same negative trait within themselves. We are a projection of their own hidden traits. Their life is their responsibility. Period.
But… We seek for our liberation, too. Where is our responsibility?
Could it be that the other people’s negative allegations toward us are true?
In fact, yes. They are always true. How come?
If we apply the holographic principle to this question, we will inevitably conclude the following: all the behaviors and traits that others see and condemn in us, do really exist within us, deeply hidden from our consciousness. The rationale is quite simple: we are part of their individual universe, as they are part of ours.
For example, your friend sees a bad trait in you. As you symbolically represent part of her personality, she sees their own trait in you. However, as that trait definitely exists in her, the same trait must exist in you as well. It won’t be an identical trait though, as each person has different subconscious filters to perceive the reality.
However, the “negative” trait your friend sees in you – does exist in you, deeply hidden within the layers of your unconscious being. You need to dig it out and reintegrate it back into your personality.
Therefore, every time someone accuses you of something, don’t get angry. On the contrary, you have the real reason to be happy – they are pointing at your deeply hidden trait that is ripe for reintegration.
 Reintegration work on guilt and resentment has been described in “Deep Personal Transformation,” which is now available for free at Amazon.com (click here) or at Draft2Digital (click here).
How to release negative emotional ties between two people: bi-directional work
In line with above-said, if we really want to resolve a problem with another person, we should work in two directions: traits we see in them and traits they see in us.
First, make a list of the most important traits and other elements of personality that you see in your friend (or the opponent).
Then, make another list of the traits and other elements of personality that you think that your friend sees in you.
It is advisable to make pairs of opposite traits (whatever the opposite means to you) out from your lists. You may combine traits from both lists, or make pairs from the same list either. In doing this way, you can apply the Inner Triangle procedure on these pairs of opposites.
You may also use the Single Chain Technique or Double Chain Technique on every single element of your personality, one by one.
In this work, you must relentlessly be honest to yourself, or you will accomplish nothing. Even worse, you will be lying to yourself and ultimately fall into an even deeper mud of suffering.
Of course, you are free to use any other mind technique that you believe is efficient for you. Almost all techniques, if honestly applied, bring more or less good results.
One of my favorite approaches is forgiveness. Try to forgive both to the other person and yourself, deeply and wholeheartedly. Become aware that the person simply couldn’t behave differently, due to their inner limitations. The same stands for you. Repeat forgiveness as many times as you can, and as often as you can. It always helps and releases some negative energy. It also clears the path for love. Yes, you will be able to love everybody, even your adversaries. That’s the holy grail of every problematic relationship.
One of my closest friends, we’ll call him Steve, had a chronic problem in relationship with his step-father, “George.” My friend was under George’s severe influence and was very servile in relation to him. Steve’s stepfather was regularly accusing him of many things and, most importantly, was constantly despising him.
Unquestionably, Steve’s resentment was very strong. The main trait Steve saw in his step-father was the tendency to have an absolute control over him.
Steve was aware of the faultiness of the whole situation but was never able to resolve it, until he stumbled upon the Reintegration System.
He made two lists, one containing the main accusations by George, and another one, with his own accusations toward that man. He used the Single Chain technique on all the traits, one by one.
The two most important traits he worked on were the stepfather’s disdain (toward him), and also George’s tendency to control everybody (as Steve perceived it).
He meditated on his resentment toward his stepfather and recalled clearly in his mind several situations from the childhood where he was trying to impose severe control over his younger sister. He became aware that, when he grew up a little bit, he started feeling guilt over that behavior and consciously tried to suppressing his urge for control over other people. He succeeded, although only temporarily. His suppressed trait raised its head in another person outside of his own being, and it was his stepfather. That insight alone was of a tremendous importance to Steve. It was his own trait, indeed.
Steve did the Single Chain technique on his freshly revealed trait, the urge for control. During the process, Steve learned that his tendency to control everybody actually had several apparently positive goals: to secure himself; to avoid any surprises; to become strong; to get parents’ attention; to get parents’ love; to find Peace.
Then, Steve meditated on George’s accusations that he was weak and deserved no respect. After a while, he evoked a few occasions from his past when he was repeatedly showing disdain toward his younger relative, similarly to the disdain of his stepfather now. After several years, that conduct was continued in relationships with some friends from school. When Steve finally saw the ill-behaved nature of such deeds, he suppressed that conduct. Remarkably, it was again his own behavior from the past! Being long suppressed, this behavior found its way out and projected itself onto George.
Steve again used the Single Chain technique, this time on the feeling of disdain. It was a straightforward process, leading to several deep insights and ultimately to a deep deliverance. The goals of the “entity” named “disdain” were: to show to everybody that he was strong; to be better than others; to prove to his parents that he was worth their appraisals; to get parents’ love; to find the ultimate Happiness.
Since then, the relationship between Steve and George improved enormously. It was deeply transformed and now they have a very strong bond, with deep understanding and compassion. It was a clear example that for improving a relationship it’s enough to change only one person!
These processes have definitely shown to my friend that he was in charge in his life. Always. Steve was finally convinced without any doubt, that he was the source of his whole life experience. From that moment on, he became aware that he was completely responsible in his life, and that meant inner freedom.
 Described in my books “Inner Freedom Techniques” and “Inner Peace, Outer Success.” If you don’t have money for buying any of these books, or cannot buy them for any other reason, don’t worry. Just ask me (using the contact form on this website) and I will send you the procedure right into your inbox. :-)
Nebo D. Lukovich
This time our subject is not the romantic kind of love or infatuation. Not wanting to underestimate or demean romantic love, I would say that pure Love (with capital “L”) is something immensely glorious and powerful, yet immeasurably gentler than romance. The Love we are talking about here is the ultimate divine force in the universe. It is not an emotion, nor is it a state of mind. It is the true state of the heart and its union with oneness.
If our hearts were as pure as that, we wouldn’t need any techniques; our minds would be one with our hearts and we would all have a perfect existence filled with Love and Presence (Pure consciousness). But, as we all know, that isn’t the case. We are all still working toward that goal.
Love, as well as Presence, is incredibly important. We have to purify our hearts to be able to really emanate Love. In order to cleanse our hearts, we need to be reasonable, resourceful, and persevering in our everyday work on ourselves. We must continuously apply techniques, while being guided by our hearts and reason at the same time.
Love dissolves all negativity in us. It has also a great healing power. We can heal ourselves and other people as well, just with Love. If we were able to open up our hearts entirely and lastingly, I believe it would be absolutely enough for complete healing.
Healing with Love can be one of the most powerful methods of healing work. Yet, for the majority of people, it is the most challenging way. Why is this so? It’s because our hearts are often closed and wrapped in many layers of mind content.
However, all of us occasionally feel Love, often without any apparent reason. Sometimes we see a little child and our hearts can’t help but open to the pure innocence which is emanating from that being; or we see a dog or some other animal that simply wants to play; or we meet with an old friend; or there is no reason whatsoever. Love just springs out from us and it’s invaluable. It makes barriers disappear, suffering diminish, and fears vanish. The power of pure Love is undeniable to any negativity in us or outside of us.
I would certainly recommend the approach of many spiritual and psychological teachings that encourage us to develop Love in our hearts, both toward ourselves and others—but first toward ourselves! It is not selfishness. It is like the safety instructions on commercial planes: a parent must put their own oxygen mask on before helping their child. The same is true in life. If we aren’t able to help ourselves first, we aren’t able to help others, which we seek to do so much.
If you are able to open your heart entirely, at least for a while, the flow of Love will pour out of you. First it will fill your being completely, then it will flow to others, without exception… even to our enemies!
Enemies, (if we have them at all) are in fact our greatest teachers. They are often a concentration of many traits and behaviors that bother us, which in turn tells us about ourselves, and our own long suppressed parts. Although being unaware of this, they show us clearly which traits in our personality we should work on. We should love those persons because of this! They are projections of our inner suppressed parts.
It’s time to take a completely different position in your life—to get wisdom not through pain anymore, but through nurturing Love and Presence within you, in every situation, with every being. So, inside your mind you can always tell those people or your corresponding inner parts: “I love you. Thank you for all your valuable lessons. You have always taught me how to gain wisdom and maturity through suffering. From now on, give me your help through Love and Presence.”
I believe Love can heal any part of life. It can heal any illness, any dysfunction, challenge or problem. Sometimes, when I had a cold, I would remind myself that the best thing I could do would be to open up my heart and feel Love for myself, for all people around me and toward the whole world. Whenever I succeeded even a little bit in that “opening” endeavor (though it shouldn’t had been an endeavor at all), in a matter of hours I was up on my feet again, feeling completely renewed and healed.
How can you wake up Love in your heart?
I can recommend only some of the numerous ways to do that. For example, imagine that a little child, or toddler, is approaching you. It’s smiling innocently at you, wobbling in its walking. It’s so cute, with bright, smiling eyes staring at you. The child is giggling with its sweet voice, telling you “I love you!” You are embracing it with warmth. How couldn’t you feel Love toward such an innocent being? Let Love rush out from your heart.
When you open your heart, let Love fill you completely. Extend it also to yourself. Love yourself with your whole heart! Feel that you deserve the deepest Joy and Happiness. After all, you have always been giving the best you could. You, as that child, need only to be happy. You only want to be happy in your life and you definitely deserve that! Love yourself, your body, and your whole being. Wish yourself all the best.
Love all parts of your being and personality, all traits, flaws, mistakes and imperfections; love the body that has served you so dutifully your whole lifetime; love your life, your past, present and future, anything that comes to your mind.
Let Love amplify and expand to encompass all people around you. Love your family, your children, spouse, parents, friends, colleagues; love your job, your errands and annoying things; love your enemies, too; let Love pour out from your heart toward all of them. Extend your Love to all humanity. Feel yourself as a part of it. Love your darling pets; love all animals, plants and all living beings. Love your Mother Earth, the entire Universe, the entire Existence. Feel the fact that countless beings exist within Creation, and all of them are trying to be happy in some way. Wish them all true happiness with your whole heart.
This is Love and it is miraculous. It can potentially heal, harmonize and mature everything. Try not to expect healing, but love yourself and all beings around you. If the healing should come, it will come, to both you and inevitably those around you. Something wonderful will surely happen, although you cannot know what it will be.
If you want to heal other people, the answer is simple: grow Love within your heart, express it, and you will be healing yourself and the people around you in the best way.
Nebo D. Lukovich
"You fell in love with a storm. Did you really think you would get out unscathed?"
— Nikita Gill
Who of us hasn’t ever felt romantic affection toward another human being? It’s such an appealing and exhilarating emotion, adored and desired by so many people all around the world.
But, is this infatuation really so good for us? What is its nature, after all?
Does It Really Change Us?
Let us examine the impact of infatuation on our way of living. When we fall in love, it lasts no longer than several months. The greater its vigor, the shorter its grasp. Spiritual-like feelings of elation, euphoria and admiration, all directed and focused toward a single person, may seem never-ending at first. But we all know very well it’s far from being true.
The nature of these euphoric emotions is ephemeral. It is typically based on desire toward the other sex. While being overwhelmed by them, you didn’t solve any of your inner conflicts yet. All the disharmonies in you are still lurking from the vastness of your subconscious mind, and will be inevitably released when the euphoria passes.
What’s worse, our inner unintegrated parts of personality will take advantage of our desire toward the other sex and attract a person whose own inner troubles will only serve to feast our negativities, when the romance fades away. These internal tensions will bring you troubles with that person and will have exactly the same level of grasp over you, as the romantic feelings did before. It’s a kind of roller-coaster, which is self-perpetual and seemingly endless.
Roots of Romantic Affection
How come these thrilling emotions have such an influence in our lives?
Being born in this material world entails existence within one of the sexes. Almost all of us are either male or female, with very rare exceptions. And that means that males have seemingly lost their female parts, and vice versa. They didn’t. These “lost parts” have just become unconscious. Hidden. The result? We have the world of two opposite sexes, longing toward one another through romantic love and sensual pleasures, but never really re-uniting at this level.
Romantic love is a manifestation of our enormous desire toward the opposite sex deeply hidden within us. This kind of love, with its plethora of ecstatic emotions, is ingrained in all of us, as long as we are completely unaware of our own “other gender.” Men are unaware of their female parts, hidden within the depths of their psyche, while women are longing for their “lost” male parts within their personality. We all have a strong craving for re-uniting with these parts of ourselves, and that attraction is typically being manifested through desire toward the external opposite sex.
However, when we unveil our hidden opposite part, accept it and embrace it, we become re-united within us. That part is not the opposite part anymore, it becomes corresponding, balancing and harmonizing. Like Yin and Yang, like Creative and Accepting Force, they are complementary and make our being complete again. Our desire for romantic love diminishes, but instead of it, our ability for Pure Love toward all being becomes much greater!
What Can We Really Do?
This re-unification is possible in real life. You can find various techniques for merging the opposites on the Internet. One of these resources for you could be the book “Inner Peace, Outer Success: The Reintegration System,” with its technique “Inner Triangle,” which works perfectly for this purpose, as it's designed for merging the opposites within you. Other resources are, for example, numerous Taoist techniques. Also, consulting and reflecting over the old Chinese book full of wisdom, “I Ching” (the Book of Changes) could be invaluable for one’s inner unification.
And one more important thing for all of us is: “embracing” the opposite sex within us doesn't mean for men to become feminized, or for women to become too "mannish". Not at all. For men, it just means to embrace the Yin principle and its emblematic qualities like Softness, Warmness, Wetness, Docility, Acceptance, Kindness, and so on. For women – it means to embrace the Yang principle and its archetypal qualities like Firmness, Decisiveness, Determination, Power, Creativity, Leadership…
For all of us, it means to become One with ourselves.
Advocate of Right to Happiness
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