Love Yourself – It’s Not Selfish

Author: ​Nebo D. Lukovich

Learner, Reader, Student of Life

Nebo D. Lukovich

Image by pasja1000 from Pixabay

​In this article, we will talk ruminate over the true, healthy kind of self-love. It is as pure and noble as parents’ unconditional love of their children.
 
Self-love is immensely important!
 
But first to clarify: in this kind of love, we are never putting ourselves above others. Even if we do not feel much love of other people, when we truly love ourselves, the love of others will naturally grow in our hearts.
 
True self-love is not egoistic, is not selfish at all. When you truly love yourself, the love of others will naturally blossom in your heart. Like all other beings, you also deserve love and happiness. Therefore, why shouldn’t you love yourself as others?
 
I guess this is the only topic I maybe disagree with Eckhart Tolle. Unless I misunderstood him (which is quite probable), he asserted several times that it is not possible that you love yourself, because love is a relationship between two or more beings. On the contrary, I feel that real love is not a relationship, it is a state of being. Perhaps it's just a matter of different definition. When we love somebody, we desire that they be genuinely happy. Similarly, if we love ourselves, we desire true happiness for ourselves, that we be joyful, healthy, and prosperous. So, we can love ourselves, and it is crucial for our well-being.
 
Yes, love is a deep tendency toward a unity of two or more beings, toward oneness. This is indeed an important aspect of love, but it also could be applied to self-love. One can love her own parts of personality, her physical body, her heart, soul, or higher self, as all these may be considered as relatively distinct parts of her being. Why not? Through self-love, she may help all these aspects of her being to fully reintegrate, reunite, and become one, as they have actually been all the time.
 
 
Why Is Self-Love So Important?
 
By loving ourselves, we are doing our best for our well-being, for our growth, health, and overall happiness.
 
When we truly love ourselves, our actions, both conscious and subconscious, will genuinely be directed toward our happiness, prosperity, and spiritual liberation.
 
If one develops healthy love toward herself, she won’t be able to do any harm to herself anymore, neither consciously nor unconsciously. Her subconscious mind will not undermine her genuine actions. Moreover, she will feel lovable. She will further deepen existing bonds with supportive people, heal many painful interactions, and attract some new, beautiful and fulfilling relationships.

When we truly love ourselves, our actions, both conscious and subconscious, will genuinely be directed toward our happiness, prosperity, and spiritual liberation.

​Additionally, scientific research has shown that developing self-love results in an increase in optimism, and a decrease of depression and anxiety. It also brings frequent and more enduring healthy behavior changes and more effective recovery from stress.
 
On the other hand, lack of self-love increases suicidal tendencies and attempts according to the American Association of Suicidology. It intensifies depression, hopelessness, and low self-esteem. This is the root of self-sabotage. Self-love deprivation may also lead to alcohol and drug abuse, eating disorders, and many other difficulties.
 
 
Holographic Principle 

I often reflect over many aspects of life through the Holographic View of the Universe, because of its universality, incredible lucidity, and symbolic applicability in virtually in all areas of our existence.
 
In short, translated to spiritual life, the Holographic Principle asserts that our inner being is symbolically mirrored in the outer reality, and vice versa. Applied to this topic, the holographic view implies that whenever we, as a microcosm, are cultivating healthy self-love, we are certainly growing love of the macrocosm, i.e., external world and all its beings.
 
In other words (and putting aside romantic love), we can truly love others only to the extent we love ourselves. And when we truly love others, we love and nurture ourselves, too. 

The holographic view implies that whenever we, as a microcosm, are cultivating healthy self-love, we are certainly growing love of the macrocosm, i.e., external world and all its beings. 

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However, if we are desperately trying to love other people, while we haven’t resolved our inner obstacles to our well-being, a dangerous imbalance may occur – all the energy of love directed toward other beings will be reflected back into ourselves, but may dissipate and pale out.
 
 
How to Develop Self-Love ​

One of the first steps toward true self-love is self-acceptance. This is the pre-condition to love and compassion: we must accept ourselves as we are.
 
Self-Acceptance 

​It is a good idea to make a list of all things about yourself that you don’t like or are not satisfied with. Then totally accept all of them, by going through the list. Make notes of the traits you have to change. Nevertheless, you can fully accept even those traits, while still determinately working on transforming them.
 
Acceptance (or letting go, or surrender in spiritual sense) does not mean giving up or abandoning positive changes. On the contrary, true acceptance will either bring you deep peace or entice your appropriate action.
 
Do not forget to repeatedly accept yourself for who or what you are. In this way, you will also make progress in letting go of your self-image, and that, too, is vital for your growth and spiritual liberation.
 
Still, we cannot fully accept ourselves unless we overcome guilt and resentment. We cannot love ourselves unless we forgive ourselves and others. 

We cannot love ourselves unless we forgive ourselves and others. 

Forgive Yourself and Others
 
Forgiveness is a permanent release of anger, resentment, blame, or guilt. ​Together with love, it is the ultimate healing tool on Earth. It liberates us directly from these unpleasant feelings, while, indirectly, heals many diseases caused by them. Many destructive or self-destructive behaviors are caused by guilt.
 
Similar to love, forgiveness has to be two-sided: we have to forgive others and ourselves, too.
 
Forgive yourself for all mistakes you have made in your life, and you will stop sabotaging yourself!
 
Now, having fully accepted and forgiven yourself, your capability of love and compassion will immensely improve. 

Forgive yourself for all mistakes you have made in your life, and you will stop sabotaging yourself! 

How to Feel and Develop Self-Love and Love of Others 

Essentially, the love of others is one and the same as self-love. When you learn to love yourself, your heart will be open for all beings. You will easily be able to feel the love of others.
 
The best way to truly feel and develop self-love is through sensing it together with the love of others, as a one, indivisible, state of being. Loving-kindness meditation, as a beautiful and highly recommended spiritual practice, is one of the methods that enable us to enter this noble, profound state. Here is guidance for a variation of this kind of meditation.
 
Imagine that a little child, or toddler, is approaching you. It’s smiling innocently at you, wobbling in its walking. It’s so cute, with bright, smiling eyes staring at you. The child is giggling with its sweet voice, telling you “I love you!” You are embracing it with warmth. How couldn’t you feel Love toward such an innocent being? Let Love rush out from your heart.

Photo by Taryn Elliott from Pexels

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When you open your heart, let Love fill you completely. Extend it also to yourself. Love yourself with your whole heart! Feel that you deserve the deepest Joy and Happiness. After all, you have always been giving the best you could. You, as that child, need only to be happy. You only want to be happy in your life and you definitely deserve that! Love yourself, your body, and your whole being. Wish yourself all the best.
 
Love all parts of your being and personality, all traits, flaws, mistakes, and imperfections; love the body that has served you so dutifully your whole lifetime; love your life, your past, present, and future, anything that comes to your mind.
 
Let Love amplify and expand to encompass all people around you. Love your family, your children, spouse, parents, friends, colleagues; love your job, your errands and annoying things; love your enemies, too; let Love pour out from your heart toward all of them. Extend your Love to all humanity. Feel yourself as a part of it. Love your darling pets; love all animals, plants, and all living beings. Love your Mother Earth, the entire Universe, the entire Existence. Feel the fact that countless beings exist within Creation, and all of them are trying to be happy in some way. Wish them all true happiness with your whole heart.
 
This is Love and it is miraculous. It can potentially heal, harmonize, and mature everything.[1]
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[1] Excerpt from “Inner Peace, Outer Success”, Nebo D. Lukovich, Reintegration Publishing, published on Amazon 2016

​You can practice this kind of nurturing Love every day. Actually, any kind of loving-kindness meditation is important. You will develop both self-love and love of others, as a one, inseparable, integral state of being called Love.
 
Here are some more suggestions for your loving-kindness practice in everyday life:

• Be kind to yourself and others. Smile genuinely, as frequently as possible.
• Help others whenever you can. Do something good for someone in secret.
• Sometimes self-love also means stepping up and protecting oneself, when necessary. (This, however, should be done only from the state of Pure Consciousness, or Presence; if done out of fear, anger, or resentment, the results of such actions might be damaging both for you and others.)  

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Statements of Truth ​

​It is advisable that you strengthen your capability of self-love with implanting new beliefs or empowering already existing supportive beliefs. Some would say, to work with affirmations or auto-suggestions. Instead of these, I prefer the term “statements of truth,” because every affirmation or suggestion, if designed to be realized, must be viewed as the truth. Otherwise, it does not have enough power for manifestation. After all, each of your beliefs is your "little truth."
 
Here are some proposals for the statements of truth that you might repeat to yourself from time to time:
 
“I love and accept myself.”
“I am lovable.”
“Love is growing in my heart. I love myself, I love all people, I love all beings, I love the whole world.”
"I am enough.”
“I am worthy of happiness in life.”
 
It is even better that you use these statements in hypnotic or auto-hypnotic sessions. In that way, you will directly influence your subconscious mind and more effectively transform your core beliefs.
 
Here is one more important advice: You should fully accept whatever appears in the field of your consciousness during your hypnotic session. Any thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations that emerge in the middle of your hypnotic trance correspond to concrete obstacles to your statements of truth, that had been previously hidden in the depths of your subconscious mind. Through total acceptance, you will release and overcome these hindrances, one by one.
 
 
Inner Work 

Without a regular practice of mindfulness, meditation sittings, inner work in general, and self-care, cultivating love in your heart can quickly lose its foundation.
 
You need a holistic approach to your personal development. Otherwise, unforeseen external events can someday disturb your loving-kindness practice. Surprising accidents, illnesses, or abrupt surges of anger, fear, or sadness may unexpectedly appear from the depths of your being and close the subtle lattices of your loving heart.
 
Therefore, it is highly recommended to maintain and develop all these practices concurrently.

Here are some recommendations for your inner work (with links to a more comprehensive description of some practices):

• Mindfulness simply means to live in the present moment consciously. You do any activity in such a way that you are fully conscious of yourself and of the activity itself.
• It is essential to discipline yourself and have two 15-minute meditation sessions every day. These sessions should be scheduled for the same periods of the day, if possible.
• Meditation and mindfulness will release huge “amounts” of inner obstacles to any of your life goals, and will gradually erase all your negative tendencies, including laziness. What’s more important, you will get more love, health, strength, calmness, creativity, and smoothness in your life.
• There are countless approaches to inner work in general. Mainstream psychology is one of them. It is scientifically approved and confirmed, and consequently pretty safe. But it’s also very slow. On the other hand, there are many alternative methodologies, which could be much more efficient and faster but burdened with higher risk. It’s up to you to choose. I would recommend here the Reintegration work, as it safely blends psychological and spiritual work.
• Scan your body as often as possible and accept any tension and emotion present in it. You can find detailed instructions here.
• Develop your highest personal traits and abilities.
• Work with attached entities. Although many spiritual practices neglect or even deny the existence of hidden beings that might be attached to the human aura or even infiltrated into our inner being, this is a serious issue. Therefore, the reintegration of numerous parts of one’s personality is often not sufficient, as some reports tell us that, on average, there are seven to ten foreign beings attached to one person. Sometimes, some of these entities belong to the so-called “dark side,” and we must not underestimate their influence over our lives. You can find here an extensive article about these issues, with a lot of practical guidance.
• Do conscious journaling regularly.
• Drop all identifications and attachments.

 
Self-Care 

Although not a pre-condition to self-love, self-care may be considered as an important addition to it.
 
Here are some recommendations for proper self-care:

• Harmonize and develop invisible energies within your body work.
• Exercise when possible.
• Maintain a healthy diet. Drink more water.
• Get enough sleep.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t worry about others’ opinions.
• Allow yourself to make mistakes.
• Be grateful.
• Learn to let go and accept.
• Reward yourself for completing small tasks.
• Accept help and gifts.
• Practice the art of saying “no.”
• Find your happy place.
• Keep a journal or diary.
• Join a support group for people who are going through similar challenges you are going through now.
• Hire a coach or a counselor.
• Make a list of all your accomplishments and the things you like about yourself.
• Make a vision board.
• Clean regularly your house or apartment.
• Take time for rest and relaxation.

Search for Inner Truth

Developing self-love, or love in general, is one of the cornerstones of spiritual development. It is a vital part of your search for the Ultimate Truth, which is always inside you. Whether you are trying to find God, Inner Truth, Nirvana, or you are “only” longing for improving your everyday life, loving yourself is crucial for such efforts.
 
Anyway, if you long for spiritual liberation, you will additionally fuel up your spiritual passion through self-love. It will also pave the path toward the Ultimate Truth and enable you to directly experience your authentic nature.
 
As you actively develop your self-love, you will, undoubtedly, grow spiritually. On the other hand, any kind of honest spiritual work will naturally open your heart and greatly expand your love for yourself and others.
 
Whether directed toward others or ourselves, love has profound effects: it heals us; it guards us against suffering and all evil influences; it elevates us spiritually.
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Have a great day and good luck with your inner work! :-)